BOOK “50 Letters from a Non-Mother to Her Unborn Daughter”

Author’s Note

The construction of “non-mother” that I use is my barrier and limitation, because I want to show how aware I am that I have no right to give advice since I willingly declined the opportunity to raise someone in real life.

Furthermore, many others have the right to “write” to an unborn child, including mothers with multiple children, mothers who have chosen to terminate a pregnancy, fathers, etc. In this way, I justify my position, accepting the description that carries a negative connotation within it, in order to define the relationship with the reader: cautious, with respect, and with the humility of ignorance.

It can also be said that I distance myself from those who take the mother-daughter relationship lightly or without due respect.

Why did I decide to write this?

In addition to the introduction in the book where I explained my motivation, I must further elaborate on the reasons that motivated me to write these letters.

The first reason lies in my belief that each of us is special and worthy of attention. These times demonstrate it to us because, at every turn, we peer into the lives of other people, whether desired or sought after. What sets us apart is our level of trust and readiness to offer parts of our own lives, viewpoints, and beliefs for others to see and evaluate.

Since I am entirely ordinary, without any special talents, devoid of dramatic and major twists of fate, I want to show by my example that it is possible to survive, maintain, or develop our beliefs, viewpoints, and priorities. I particularly want to encourage girls, such as I was until recently, to learn, work, practice, and be themselves. Through my example and my micro-experiences, I want to inspire each of them to courageously, persistently, and honestly seek their place without expecting it to be assigned or given to them.

I want to loudly proclaim that every girl has the right to make mistakes, to make life choices, and to be respected.

I believe that education, literacy, and a willingness to learn are prerequisites for progress in every sense. I am also convinced that, despite all the discouragement, obstacles, or hindrances we face, it makes sense to do what is within our power to be healthier, happier, and more skilled, and to seize every opportunity that presents itself.

The book actually represents an open door for further discussion, explanations, new conclusions, and advice.

Who am I, really?

I’m just an ordinary fifty-year-old woman—simultaneously brave to speak openly about myself and closed off to excessive closeness and intimacy.

I love people and believe that they can always achieve more than they have or are temporarily satisfied with.

I know that, as a woman, I must further justify my outspokenness and the absence of physical arguments for beauty.

I’m aware that I can be helpful, but I’m also determined not to allow the abuse of my goodwill and enthusiasm.

I belong to a generation that matured too early but became independent and self-aware too late.

Who cares about what I have to say?

In fact, many women remain in the shadows forever precisely because of this question, even if it goes unspoken. That’s why I wrote, because only through my own example and openness can I try to encourage other women to write and speak louder. Many of them have much more right than me to use their stories to inspire young girls to think, respond, or silence similar unsolicited advice.

My resistance and nervousness caused by this writing and the idea of making my thoughts public are still smaller than the risk of being misunderstood if I don’t do it. I’m not special, deserving, or valuable in any way. So, if I dared to write all of this and publish it, I hope that all those more deserving, valuable, and special women will decide to share their truths, viewpoints, and thoughts.

I firmly believe that the world would be much better if our ordinary, undramatic stories could drown out the threats, manipulation, and hypocrisy that are far more public and much louder. While writing these letters, I thought about my parents, friends, role models, and mentors who passed on all these pieces of advice to me. If it was important to them, and they are all smart, successful, and happy without exception, then it must be important to continue talking and reading about it.

I’m aware that nobody has enough time, but the format in which I wrote is suitable to steal a little time and attention in convenient moments. Some mothers may not have the opportunity to arrange a set of letters like this for their daughters, so the book might help them in that regard.

Some daughters might not have the chance to discuss everything with their mothers. Perhaps the advice and stories of their mothers would be different, and such differences can help bridge a gap. In the end, for everyone who didn’t have the time, opportunity, or interest in talking about life with a fifty-year-old woman, the letters might initiate thinking about similarities and differences.

For all those whom the letters intrigue, I hope they find strength, motivation, and advice that will improve their lives. For those who think differently or disagree with any of my conclusions, I invite them to write their own letters and explain their arguments.

Only in this way will we make the world and society better.

I intend to create spaces and opportunities for open discussions throughout my life.

Readers’ impressions

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The book was a true page-turner.

It stirred up a whole range of emotions in me, captured many wise thoughts on paper, and I believe it is intended for everyone, regardless of gender or age, and whether we have fulfilled the role of a parent according to conventional standards or not.

You approached it with parental love and added an important element: mentorship. Mentorship plays a crucial role in the development of individuals and societies, encouraging the continuous transfer of knowledge and support across generations.

It is a mechanism that helps society grow and evolve, strengthening bonds and communities. The book is truly excellent!

The advice in it is a wonderful reminder of how we all have an inner child and how nurturing that relationship allows us to become more compassionate, patient, responsible, present, capable, and much more positive.

I am thrilled, and I believe that anyone who reads your book can realize how capable they are of providing love, support, and security to their children.

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If I measure the value of a text in the number of images that “bounce” off the read letters and return to me as my own thoughts and feelings, and I do, then this book is very valuable to me. I’ve asked myself hundreds of questions, and now I realize that I’ve (I don’t know if I should ask you for an apology for this or if it will make you happy) focused more on myself than on you.

Some of the letters did unsettle me; I know they are the ones from which I could learn the most. I will return to them.

While I truly experienced them as letters that Nela writes to her daughter and other young girls of today, many of them I felt as if Nela was writing to Nela, the little girl. Those particularly touched me, and I felt the need to hug her. The little girl In some of them, I feel that Nela is having a lively conversation with herself today. In those, I’d gently tap Nela on the shoulder and share my strudel (it didn’t turn out the best, but neither did mine) and coffee with her.

When I read something, it ignites that work in me on several levels.

One level is following the author with trust, without any judgment, just surrendering.

Another level is reacting or reflecting, agreeing or disagreeing, rooting for or resenting, and comparing it to my own experiences and feelings.

The third level is wondering why something really resonates with me or why it bothers me so much.

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This is a book I wish I had read as a young girl, and at the same time, I’m not sure how much I would have understood its messages because I remember that lack of understanding for things you haven’t experienced.

We humans have the trait of learning the most through our own experiences, not to mention our mistakes. And that’s why I’m not sure if I would have grasped everything written here, for example, 30 years ago.

Nevertheless, I know that many of the lessons in it would have been useful to me because it would have been enough for me to at least briefly ponder on something, so I would know that what’s happening to me isn’t the end of the world, and someone has already gone through it and has advice on how to get through it.

A large part of what Nela described so nicely, I concluded on my own, and that’s my main impression of the book—that I know exactly what she’s talking about because I reached the same “results” by living and stumbling over obstacles. If someone had told me earlier, “don’t fret over this” or “try this if it doesn’t work that way,” it would have been easier.

That’s precisely the purpose of Nela’s book—to point out some things that will happen and to show potential ways to overcome them based on her experience. And she has framed it as letters to an unborn daughter, so it’s all very readable and straightforward, which greatly contributes to the ease of reading. Nela knows how to write important things in a simple way—that crossed my mind after reading the book.

The topics she addressed in the book are grouped by areas: freedom, time, beauty, money, changes, etc. Each of the letters can be read separately if you need them. That’s why this book is timeless and universally applicable.

I would like for as many young girls to read it as possible, but also for mothers who can find answers in it, as well as important topics to discuss with their daughters. As Nela says, this is more of an invitation to a conversation than a classic book.

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